Hi there,
Six years back, today was monday, today was 28th of June but the year was 2004. That year I completed my High School. Results were out. I was happy, since vacations were on.. well the biggest reason for my happiness was the long wait which once seemed to be eternal to me was goin to end.
Yes, on this very day I proposed my Girl. It took me more than 1 hour on the phone. Yes, you read it right. I proposed her on phone. We were not allowed to meet. Before proposing her, I was beating around the bushes, making stories over and over again but I did it. She was shocked, maybe every girl is astonished when she is been proposed. Or maybe because I proposed her. I was a jackass that time, one could expect me to fight, abuse or say quarrel over petty issues but none expected love. I was kinda brat.
She was not able to decide whether to agree or to disagree. She asked for time. I said OK, reply me tommorrow. And I waited. The wait was eternal. Minutes did passed as years go by.
She accepted me. The next day, 29/06/2004 tuesday, the happiest day of my life.
In our six years of relationship, we saw, felt, shared everything together. Whether its happiness or excitement or sadness or tension. Everything!
We were successfully going to complete our sixth year. But something real bad happened, or saying more appropriatly, I was the disaster who ruined everything.
Its going to be a month after 10 days. We broke up on 8th june 2010 as I told you earlier post.
In India, Life expectency is around 65 years, that means we spent around 10% of our lives with each other. It doesn't matters that you've spent 10 years or 6 years, once you make a blunder its over. You can only repent for the rest of the life. You are not even given an opportunity to make things a bit better than it would be repenting for whole life.
I had one last wish with me, for which I tried a lot, cried a lot, I just wanted to give her a smile back on her face. I know, I'm for the first time in my life so much optimistic that I can make her smile again but now I don't even have a lifeline to use. They say, trust is easy to gain, easier to break but almost impossible to regain. This time, I didn't even needed trust, I could have done it without it. But you know, as you die once, there is no come back.
If I could just make her smile once, I would find solace within myself. I always found solace within her but now I've lost it. Its even getting heavier to breathe, day by day, my legs seems to weaken more than each yesterday. I can't carry this burden for long.
I don't know which way to go, whom to ask, I'm just confining myself day by day. Oneday, someday, the time will come where all this will end and I'll find solace. I need to sleep, I wish I could put my head in her lap again and regain that comfort, I wish she could see me and hold me close to her, I wish to cry my heart out, ask for forgiveness and ask for a chance to make thing a bit better. But there is one thing wrong when you are strong outside. Nobody care to ask that if you are in pain.
I don't know how long I can continue like this. I'm dead inside, I lost the spark since I lost her!
