When I came to Delhi.. May 2006

Hey guys.. Wassup?


Well, by now I’ve completed Class 12th and looking towards a future where I’ll get a good job and later my girlfriend as my life partner. When I proposed her (after class 10th) I told her, that we’ll be marrying 7 years from now. The totally calculated future in life. As per our plan, 2years for 11th and 12th, 3 years for graduation, 2 years for MBA, and then Job later in a year marriage. Kiddish.. Totally.. Maybe that’s love..

After 12th I filled up the form for Bachelor’s in Commerce (B.Com) in Allahabad University. Besides that I enrolled myself in Cost Accountancy (ICWA). In May 2006, I met Anil Kumar Singh, he has been a year senior to me since school days. Her mother was my Mom’s colleague in SRN Hospital. Though mom warned me indirectly to not be influenced by Anil (since she knew the kind of attitude his family has), I was driven away by my thoughts to become a big personality. I had to marry her and for that I have to be something Big. I pleaded mom to let me go, and told my girlfriend that I’m going to Delhi for a bright future, a future where we’ll be living a good life...

I left Allahabad by Prayagraj Express that had a schedule departure at 9.30pm on 29th May 2006. Mom came to the station, she was in tears and worried about me a lot. That night I felt, that my presence did matters to my family, and I’ve been thinking they don’t worry about me. I held back my tears and set to the new journey.. On the last meeting to my girlfriend, she said, ”Ashu, Door jaakar badal to nai jaoge na??” I said, “No, Never” but the destiny is always uncertain about what it’ll bring forth in life.

My first day in Delhi, I do had a cellphone but no sim card in order to make a call. I borrowed Anil bhaiya’s phone to call mom in the morning. Mama came to station to pick me up. With him I went to his place in Ladoo Sarai, Opposite Mehrauli. It was a boring stay there since he went for his work after we reached hi place. In the evening he lended me his ID card to buy a sim-card for myself. But it was late and I could not make a call to my girlfriend to inform her about my well being in Delhi. So no call on the very first day I stepped in Delhi.

The next day I asked Mama to tell me the bus by which I can go to Sagarpur where Anil bhai used to stay. In the afternoon I boarded the bus and in around 2 hours I was at the Sagarpur stand. I waited at the bus stop for around an hour or two. They came and we went towards his place which was at the walking distance from the bus stand. In the evening, Anil showed me the places I needed to know like, Dhaba (to have food), Bus Stand, Medical store etc. Had dinner in one of the Dhabas, where I first time came across tandoori roti served inspite of tawa roti and sabzi with a gravy like salt water with pepper. I missed the home cooked food but I missed her the most.. Missed her a lot but today also it was late to call her.

Third day, I had to leave early at 8am to south campus in order to buy ICR Forms to apply in University of Delhi. I was instructed by Anil bhai to board a bus named Outer Mudrika from the sagarpur stand and get down at Moti bagh bus stop near South Campus of University of Delhi. I reached there in an hour and asked people the way ahead to the south campus office where I could get the ICR forms. Walked around a kilometre then found the Place where I bought the form. While walking my way back from the south campus towards the bus stand of Moti bagh I noticed a PCO, the time was good to call, around 1pm. I went up the PCO and made a call to my girlfriend. I was dying to hear her voice. She was too angry over me for not have called her since last 2 days, I had too little money for a long call so I told her that I’m good and gave her my number which got activated that morning itself. I put the receiver back after 2 or 3 minutes and boarded the bus to return back with a heavy heart. She said, “Jaate he badal gaye na Ashu!” She didn’t knew the reason and that day was the beginning for the series of misunderstandings between us. The distance has started playing its game on our relationship....

Sumtimes change is not good!!

By my mistake, I instilled a drastic change in her and my self... she turned out to be more practicle which is good for her but I'm turning more impracticle day by day which making me helpless but still fighting back...

My life has been like climbing a cliff.. On top I always saw my aim.. what I always dreamt of.. I started my climb and the only drawback was that the path behind me faded as I climbed up and up. I was near the cliff... Now the hardest part was there... the cliff was steep ahead.. I rested for a while.. I saw a new path.. luring as it seemed to be.. I changed my route.. I got lost.. I realised soon but the path behind me has faded as ever so there was no turning back... I realised the mistake I did and left the path again to head for the cliff because it was the aim at the cliff that matters most rather than the path we come across...
I took the route which would take me to my destiny rather than any fancy.. but now the time was for payback.. I lost everything on the new fancy path that I took..
I no more have any gears or supports with me.. I have my Hands(Karmas) and a Hope that I will get my aim when I reach the Top of the cliff!!
I changed twice... Once I left the good way.. and went on to the fancy way.. but realised the mistake and changed again my way and got to the new route. The first change was indeed wrong and the second I don't know because the new route is quite slippery... everytime I'm climbing 2feet m slipping back 1feet or more, moreover due to bad weather I can't clearly see my aim on the top.. which instills a sense of fear in my spine everytime I look up and that is breaking my hope....
still I've promised myself that I'll never say never... I'll keep on going, there maybe two consequences but only one is favourable... I may reach to the top and get my aim.. or I may reach the top and realise that all was vain and this world does not deserves any love... and then I think I'll jump off the cliff!!

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like, how I miss you. And how I love you despite been undeserving. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forver stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder IF there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know...
you see I too have a very BIG if in my life...

Class12th

Sorry for the delay in reaching Class 12th, as I was back home to amend my mistake but lost again, Well its okay, it happens. Its not necessary that our efforts succed everytime but one should never Quit. I've promised myself to never say never.

Well guys, I told you the dramatic scenario of Class 11th. How my love life flourished and about my studies which was dwindling as ever.
In class 12th I joined YCC i.e Yogesh Commerce Classes. Mr. Yogesh Arora one of the finest teacher of Accounts and Economics owned the institute. He worked hard to teach us and made us work hard to. I would say he inspired us alot, I saw an ideal person in him. The coaching started, it was the first time I had a class which was Co-educated. The gender ratio defeated the truth of India that girls are lesser than boys. There were around 15 girls and 5 boys.
On the very first day I came into limelight due to my extraordinary scores in Accountancy. But the same day, when we had surprise test, I ranked 2nd last in the test. This however raised a question on my competency to have scored 90 in Accountancy in 11th Class.
Later after the First term Exams in School I got the First Word of Appreciation from Mrs. Santani (our Eco Teacher). She said, "The only boy who have improved his performance in Economics from Class 11th to 12th is Ashutosh." I was a star in Economics then. Courtesy Yogesh Sir. He taught Eco in such a manner that I fell in love with Eco (specially Micro economics).
Rest year went Good. Bunking classes was still same courtesy NCC. I was promoted to Rank of Corporal in NCC.
Studies went quite well as my love life.
This year I asked her that if I can rest my head on her shoulder. She smiled and said yes!
Later I got my coupons redeemed.. the first hug....  I wish if I could end up my life in her arms... I feel so peacefull...
Then came the time of First Kiss. We both were too shy, however it was blissfull.
Exams came nearer. Yogesh Sir had good expectations with me but unfortunately, on 19th of March, I met with and accident. I had one paper left and that was of Accountancy. I had deep bruises in both my palms but still went up and gave the paper. I scored good in Eco, fair in Accounts and Good in English too. English went good because of HER notes. She worked har to make notes for me, all these grammer and tenses, she toiled harder than me for my English preparations. Who is such a lucky chap to get such a helpful girlfriend.

Class 12th ended.

Next is the Change I faced. I faced the World!
Keep reading.
Take care... Weather is good out there..
Live Real!!

Moving up from behind... Class 11th

In year 2004, I completed high school plus I got an admirable girlfriend, which was more than I actualy deserved.

We (I and school friends) were happy since we entered the college section of our school. We felt more mature within. Amongst us in my group only I had a girlfriend, rest kept on making attempts which initially went in vain. Class 11th gave us happiness plus shocks too.. I consecutively failed in Mathematics in 1st and 2nd Term plus I also failed in Accountancy in 2nd term.

When we passed high school, none of us was planning to have Mathematics as subject in class 12th. BUT Anshul did wanted to take up mathematics in Internediate, moved by his logics of future needs of the subjects and his confidence to win over it we also eected for it. WE here includes Me, Anshul & Ankur. Rest Yaeser remained in Hindi section... wise choice on his part.

Though I scored 61 in Accountancy (It was my favourite subject) and somehow managed to pass in others except mathematics. Due to legitimate NCC parades and bunks in the name of NCC periods, I failed in Accountancy also in Second term.

The scene in Class 11th final exam was really unforgettable. Since all of us were fail in 2 subjects (Maths and Accounts) we almost decided to switch over to Bishop George School if we failed in class 11th. Anshul went crazy in maths paper... We sat in the Hall, looked at each other with eyes full of pity. Anshul was busy filling up form for the Bishop George school later. But the result were unexpected. We all passed in maths in third term and I was able to achieve 90 in Accountancy. Anyhow I managed to pass with good marks, though I was not good at economics (was kicked out many a times by our Eco teacher) and since Dad promised to gift me a PC if I passed in 11th, I got one in the next month...

My love life was going on well, We talked a lot on phone so ended up being phoneless since our parents locked the Telephone with secret code... The bill amount was over 3000rs for two months on my side, on her side it was even more..

Loosing out, trying best..

Hi friends... don't bother about time, since nowadays I rarely sleep in night, I'm turning nocturnal with each passing day!!

I can't keep my mind shut so as to have a sleep so I thought why not to utilise the time.

As yet I've told you about my life stage where I proposed and got acceptence by the girl with whom I fell in love. My first Love, as everyone does I also cherish her memories. While going through The TOI, one can find various research works done for better love life, sexlife, cosmo life etc and so forth. One fine day, I came across a research which told that only 5% of the lovers marry their first love, rest 95% spent their lives in search of their first love in their life partners. I told this to my Love, and proudly said, "Honeybee (thats what I called her when she called me Honey) We will be among those 5% of lovers."

Today where I stand, surrounded by the circumstances which only gets worsen day by day as if destined, I find myself to be strong contendor to those among 95% lovers... Today, I lost again.. I only had a HOPE left with me, which now I've started loosing..

Today I found one of the greatest truth on the earth.. There is NO forgiveness in here.. plus it gets selfish with every year you add on to your life...

These truth somewhat shaked me from inside..

Today she said, "A person who commits a mistake is more likely to commit it again, since one can never change."

Maybe that's the truth.. or say universal truth..!!